... in my brain actually. My very own brain tumour

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Update on my condition

It is time to blog again. One of the reasons for the long silence has been my physical inability to type. Joan has offered to do typing for me and has actually done some, apart from her hugely increased workload. But the thoughts just don't flow properly if I am not doing the work myself. So here we go. I have settled into the daily treatment of radiotherapy - which is making me progressively tired as time goes by, I am told that this will get worse before it gets better. The chemotherapy is basically a way of administering a poison that will kill the cancer cells without doing too much other damage at the same time. The whole assault on my system is quite severe and is causing my poor old brain to swell up, especially after the daily radiotherapy. This has to be controlled with large doses of cortisone which has some horrible side effects of its own. Everyone asks if the steroids (cortisone) are causing me to put on muscle like an illegal athlete. Alas, no! No matter how much I flex my muscles hopefully in front of the bathroom mirror, the only thing I see is a serious wasting of my muscles. And I am getting weaker as time goes by. There have been no more seizures. Thank goodness for that! Seizures are awful.

I have been attending to business matters regarding the selling of my business to SEDA, all under extreme pressure, at the worst possible time to give everything my full attention. More of that later. In the process, it is inevitable that I have had to put in extra hours in order to meet the demands and deadlines of SEDA. So I am tired, tired, tired. I will admit that I try to remain positive but don't always succeed, especially at home, where Joan has provided me with a "soft place to fall." She has seen me at my very worst, angry, disappointed, weakend, intensely self absorbed and has had to listen to me roar and shout with frustratuion from time to time. She is wonderful. She is taking huge, huge strain but is bearing up strongly. I am lucky indeed.

I still can't play he piano or do up the buttons on my shirt ptoperly. A hundred small things frustrate me, like constantly dropping things and occasionally losing all sensation and control of the inside of my mouth. But life continues to be overwhelmingly wonderful despite all these little things. Last night Joan and I were on the roster for Pub duty at the Mountain Club and seriously thought of cancelling. But we went along and did the duty all the sqme. Jeff Goy presented two movies he made of recent trips to Cambodia and Germany. They were excellent and we were glad that we went along. It also served to remind us how lucky we are to be part of a group of supportive people who love nature, mountins and exercise. Everything is good. I will be up there in the mountains again before too long. Just wait!

No comments: